Your Nervous System Is Not Broken; It Is Doing Its Job
One of the most common things I hear from clients is some version of this:
"Why do I react like this? What is wrong with me?"
They are frustrated. They know they are repeating patterns that do not serve them. They feel stuck, broken, or ashamed.
Here is what I tell them: your nervous system is not broken. It is doing its job.
The body keeps score, and it keeps you safe
Your nervous system is designed to keep you alive. It learns from experience. If you have lived through situations where you needed to be on high alert, shut down, or avoid certain emotions or situations, your system will adapt accordingly.
It is not trying to sabotage you. It is trying to protect you; based on what it has learnt keeps you safe.
The problem is that these patterns do not always update on their own. You may no longer be in the same situation, but your body is still responding as if you are.
What this looks like in everyday life
You might experience:
A racing heart and tight chest in situations where there is no real threat
Shutting down or going numb when conflict arises
Feeling trapped when someone asks you for emotional closeness
Saying yes when you mean no, because saying no feels unsafe
Feeling exhausted after ordinary social interactions
Overthinking and controlling everything to manage underlying anxiety
These are not signs of weakness or failure. They are signs that your body learnt how to survive in ways that made sense once.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us see that different parts of you are managing these responses. They are trying to keep you safe, even if their methods are outdated or unhelpful now.
Brainspotting helps access the deeper, body-held experiences that drive these patterns. Often, it is not enough to tell yourself to "calm down" or "stop overreacting". The body needs to experience new ways of being safe.
How to start shifting this
The first step is to stop blaming yourself for your reactions. Judging yourself only adds another layer of stress.
Instead, notice:
What is happening in your body, not just your mind?
Which situations or people trigger certain responses
What that part of you might be trying to protect you from
Approach this with curiosity. You are learning about your system, not fighting it.
Final thought
Your nervous system is doing what it was designed to do: keep you safe. If some of its responses no longer serve you, that does not mean you are broken. It means you are ready to learn new ways of being.
And that is possible. With the right support, your body can learn safety, not just survival.
If you would like to explore this work, you can book a call with me here.
