The First Step Is Not What You Think
If you have been reading this month’s posts and thinking, Right, I’ve recognised some of these patterns… what do I do now?
You are not alone.
Many people feel an urge to fix things as soon as they become aware of them. It is part of being human. We don’t like discomfort and want to get away from it as quickly as possible.
But here is the thing: real change does not begin with pushing harder. In fact, that is often another version of the same struggle we are trying to leave behind.
Your nervous system is designed to protect you. If it senses you are rushing into change without a foundation of safety and awareness, it will resist. Parts of you may dig in even harder. You might find yourself stuck in familiar patterns, feeling frustrated and thinking, I know what I need to do, so why can’t I do it?
This is why the first step in any deep change process is not doing more. It is noticing more.
I tell clients this all the time: the most powerful work you can do at the start is to learn to observe your patterns without attacking them.
That means noticing:
When and how you self-sabotage
When busyness becomes a shield
How your body signals discomfort or mistrust
Where you are drawn back into struggle
And doing so with curiosity, not criticism. That’s the hard part, as we can be very critical.
Why does this matter? Because the parts of you driving these patterns are trying to help, even if their methods are seemingly unhelpful. When you begin to observe rather than fight them, the system starts to soften. That is what creates space for real change.
Some people dismiss this stage, thinking, I should be doing more. But in truth, learning to sit with awareness and compassion is one of the hardest and most transformative parts of the process.
If you can do this, you are already shifting the cycle.
What to reflect on
As we move towards next month’s focus on how real change happens, I invite you to reflect on this:
What patterns have you started to notice this month?
How do you typically respond when you spot them?
Where could you practise simply observing, without rushing to change or judge?
Final thought
The urge to fix is understandable. But the first real step is learning to stay present with what is; with curiosity, compassion, and honesty.
Next month, we will explore what it takes to move beyond old patterns for good. If you are ready to take that next step, I look forward to speaking with you then.
And if you would like support with this work, you can book a call with me here.
