Most people who come to me with burnout didn't see it coming. They knew they were busy and tired and thought it would pass, then the weekend stopped being enough to recover, small jobs felt huge, and things they used to care about left them cold. Is it depression, overwhelm or burnt out? Burnout isn't only about work. Teenagers get it too: exams, homework, sport, social media, friendships, and the feeling that everyone else is managing better.
The World Health Organization describes burnout as the result of chronic stress at work that hasn't been managed well. It lists three signs: exhaustion, feeling distant from or cynical about your job, and feeling less effective at it. The WHO classes it as something that comes from work, not a medical condition. I see the same pattern in students. I find it helpful to think about how much you can carry. Your body and mind can cope with a certain amount of stress, recover, and cope again. If the demands are steady and you recover properly, you can take more; if the demands keep outrunning recovery, you can take less, and things you used to manage easily start to feel like too much.
The obvious answer is to do less, and sometimes that's right. If your workload, your workplace or your school is unreasonable, that isn't your fault. But many people cut back and still feel wired and exhausted because whatever drove them to overdo it is still there. Often it goes back a long way. If you learned as a child that being useful or getting top marks was how you earned your place, resting can feel like slacking. If you grew up watching other people's moods to keep yourself safe, you may be used to living on high alert. Those habits once helped; now they keep you going when your body is asking you to stop.
The first step is noticing. Many of my clients can tell you what's due on Thursday and what everyone else needs, but not that their jaw has been clenched since breakfast. Early signs include tight shoulders, shallow breathing, a short temper, a headache or stomach ache, and a fog or energy dip that comes down mid-afternoon. The sooner you spot them, the more choice you have. Rest has to be regular. A fortnight in the sun can't make up for eleven months of running on empty. Small things done every day count for more: a proper lunch break, a walk without your phone, or even an evening when you don't open your email or your homework. Other people matter too. People who have someone who notices when they're struggling generally recover better from stress than those carrying it alone.
Burnout makes you withdraw, so reaching out is part of getting better.
If you're a parent, be wary of a teenager who is doing everything and complaining about nothing. Sometimes the signs are a child who is too tired to see friends or too frightened of getting something wrong to start. In therapy we look at the beliefs that keep you pushing, where they came from, and what happens in a typical week when you tip from coping into overwhelm. We also work with the body, because stress shows up there first. The aim is to widen how much you can carry, so stress doesn't turn into exhaustion so fast. Therapy won't fix an unreasonable workplace or school, so if that's the main problem, get practical advice as well, from your GP, occupational health or school. What therapy can do is help you understand your own patterns and change them.
If you see the early signs in yourself or in your teenager, you can book a free consultation here. I see individuals aged 12 and over and couples in person and online. If you're the parent of a 12- to 15-year-old, you're welcome to get in touch first to ask how it works. If you're between 15 and 23, my Navigate Collective groups are a gentler first step for some people.
