I'm Not Impressed by Your Success (Or Your Drama)
A client walks into my office. An international lawyer, just made partner at a prestigious firm, drives a car worth more than most people's houses. They spend the first twenty minutes telling me about their achievements, as if I need to be convinced of their worth.
Another client calls in crisis. Everything is falling apart; they're the victims of impossible circumstances; nothing ever works out for them. They spend the session cataloguing their suffering, as if I need to be convinced of their pain.
Here's what they both don't understand: I'm not impressed by either performance.
Your success doesn't make you more valuable to me. Your drama doesn't make you more deserving of attention. It doesn’t mean I don't care, though. Both are often just elaborate ways of avoiding the real conversation.
Performance vs Presence
Most people entering therapy are performing one of two roles:
"The Impressive Client": Look at everything I've achieved. I'm worth your time and expertise. I'm not like your other clients.
"The Suffering Client": Look at how much pain I'm in. I deserve your compassion and attention. My problems are bigger than everyone else's.
Both are performances. Both are ways of controlling how you're perceived. Both prevent real therapeutic work from happening.
Why Success Stories Don't Impress
Don't get me wrong; I'm genuinely pleased when clients achieve their goals. Professional success often requires real skills: resilience, problem-solving, and persistence.
But when you lead with achievements, you're usually:
Avoiding vulnerability. It's easier to talk about what you've accomplished than who you are beneath the accomplishments.
Seeking validation. You want the other person to be impressed so you feel valuable and worthy of their time.
Controlling the relationship. If I'm impressed, I might be less likely to challenge you.
Protecting against shame. Success stories create distance from feelings of inadequacy or failure.
The High-Achieving Client Trap
Many successful people have spent so long being praised for achievements that they've forgotten how to connect authentically. They've learnt that impressive stories get attention, admiration, and acceptance.
But therapy isn't about being impressive—it's about being real.
When you spend our session highlighting your successes, you're robbing yourself of the one relationship where you can drop the performance and still be valued.
Why Drama Stories Don't Move Me
I have deep compassion for real suffering. Mental health struggles, relationship difficulties, professional challenges—these deserve attention and care.
But when you lead with crisis and chaos, you're often:
Avoiding responsibility. It's easier to focus on what's happening to you than your part in what's happening.
Seeking rescue. You want me to fix your problems so you don't have to do the difficult work of changing.
Controlling attention. Drama ensures you remain the focus of concern.
Protecting against growth. If everything is always falling apart, you never have to risk trying something new.
The Suffering Client Trap
Some people have learnt that problems get attention and care. They've discovered that being overwhelmed or in crisis generates sympathy and support.
But therapy isn't about being rescued—it's about building capacity.
When you spend our session cataloguing your suffering, you're avoiding the empowerment that comes from recognising your own agency and strength.
What Actually Interests Me
I'm interested in your patterns. How do you handle disappointment? What triggers your defensive responses? Where do you feel most authentic?
I'm interested in your relationships. How do you connect with others? What fears come up in intimacy? How do you handle conflict?
I'm interested in your internal experience. What's it like to be you when no one's watching? What do you long for? What scares you?
I'm interested in your stuck places. Where do you feel powerless? What keeps you repeating behaviours that don't serve you?
I'm interested in your growth edges. What would change if you took one small risk? What would be possible if you trusted yourself more?
The Therapeutic Equaliser
In my office, everyone starts from the same place: human.
The CEO and the struggling artist both deal with imposter syndrome.
The celebrity, the sex worker, and the unknown performer both struggle with authentic identity.
The wealthy entrepreneur and the person rebuilding after bankruptcy both fear not being enough.
Your external circumstances don't determine your internal worth. I'm not more interested in helping you because you're successful, and I'm not more sympathetic because you're struggling.
What Happens When You Drop the Performance
For the "impressive" client: When you stop trying to impress, you can start being curious about yourself. When you're not managing others’ perceptions, you can explore your authentic experience.
For the "suffering" client: When you stop trying to convince me of your pain, you can start exploring your power. When you're not focused on being understood, you can start understanding yourself.
Sarah's Story: From Impressive to Authentic
Sarah, a successful marketing executive, spent our first sessions detailing her professional achievements. Every story was about overcoming challenges, exceeding expectations, and gaining recognition.
Month three, I interrupted: "Sarah, what's it like to be you when you're not achieving anything?"
Long pause. "I don't know. I've never not been achieving something."
That became our work. Not her achievements, but the person beneath them. The one who was terrified that without constant success, she'd disappear.
Marcus's Story: From Drama to Agency
Marcus came to therapy in crisis. His relationship was ending, his business was failing, and his family was disappointed in him. Every session was a new catastrophe.
Month two, I asked, "Marcus, what would change if you assumed you had more power in these situations than you think?"
He got angry. "You don't understand how bad things are."
But gradually, he started exploring the question. Where did he actually have choice? What was he avoiding by staying in crisis? How did chaos serve him?
The real work began when he stopped being the victim of his circumstances and started being curious about his part in creating them.
The Challenge of Authenticity
Dropping the performance is scary. If you're not impressive, will you still be valued? If you're not suffering, will you still deserve care?
The fear is understandable. Many people learnt early that their authentic selves weren't enough—they needed to be impressive or pitiful to get attention.
But therapy offers something different: a relationship where you're valued for your humanity, not your performance.
What I Actually Find Impressive
Honesty. When you tell me something you've never told anyone else.
Curiosity. When you're genuinely interested in understanding yourself, not just being understood.
Responsibility. When you own your part in your problems without shame or blame.
Vulnerability. When you risk being seen without your defences.
Growth. When you try something new, even if it doesn't work perfectly.
Authenticity. When you show me who you are, not who you think you should be.
The Therapy Paradox
The more you try to impress me, the less impressed I am.
The more you try to convince me of your pain, the less moved I am.
The more authentic you are, the more engaged I become.
This isn't because I'm cold or unfeeling. It's because real connection happens when we drop our performances and meet each other as humans.
Beyond Performance: The Real Work
Real therapy begins when you stop performing and start being.
This doesn't mean becoming helpless or giving up your achievements. It means:
Exploring the person beneath the success. What drives you? What scares you? What do you long for beyond external validation?
Examining your relationship with struggle. How do you handle difficulties? What patterns keep you stuck? Where do you have more power than you recognise?
Discovering authentic connection. What happens when you're real with someone? How do you maintain relationships without performing?
An Invitation to Authenticity
Next time you're tempted to impress someone with your achievements, try curiosity instead. What would happen if you asked a question about them rather than made a statement about yourself?
Next time you're overwhelmed by your problems, try agency instead. What would change if you assumed you had more choice than you think?
This isn't about dismissing your successes or minimising your struggles. It's about discovering the person who exists beyond both performances.
The Bottom Line
I'm not here to be impressed by your success or moved by your drama. I'm here to meet the real you—the one who exists beneath all the stories you tell about yourself.
That person is always interesting. That person always deserves attention and care. That person doesn't need to perform to be valuable.
Drop the show. Start the real conversation.
Ready to be seen without your performances? I work with people who are tired of impressing or convincing and ready to be authentic.
About the Author
Jo-Anne Karlsson is a psychotherapist who sees through performances to the authentic person beneath. She specialises in working with people who are ready to drop their impressive achievements and dramatic problems to discover who they really are.
